Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and Strangers

​Ironically, and by chance, I recently read back-to-back memoirs with adjacent themes. Both were written by female authors who rebound from sudden life traumas, reconnect with their true selves, and learn to redefine “normal.” 

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb chronicles her healing following the breakup of a long-term, serious relationship. As a psychotherapist herself, Lori uses the work she does as a therapist seeing patients, and reciprocally, the work she does as a patient to heal. This dual role allows her to relate to both perspectives in a more raw and nonprescriptive manner. She is able to explore the commonalities in human experiences of love, loss, and adaptation.

Similarly, in Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage, Belle Burden shares her struggles in the aftermath of an abrupt, surprise end to her 20-year marriage during the throes of the global pandemic. Burden’s honest vulnerability gives voice to other women who may find themselves in similar circumstances, surrounded by the shame that often falls most heavily on females, especially those who gave up much of their own identities to be wives and mothers. 

​Although, fortunately, I cannot relate specifically to the unexpected end of a long-term relationship with a partner. I think the message of embracing change can resonate with most people. Whether it is the death of a loved one, a change in life circumstances (job, moving), or even the departure of adult children from the childhood home, it is paramount to learn how to navigate the ebbs and flows of existence. 

​Along the way, it is important to be honest with ourselves and others. We often get caught up in building glowing veneers, either villainizing other people’s badness and energizing our own goodness or, on the flip side, clouding our own clarity by placing relationships and individuals on unrealistic pedestals, ignoring subtle signs that our vision may not be clear, or setting unrealistic expectations.

​Fundamentally, it is important to get to know yourself authentically; this is not a selfish act. The minutiae of daily life wear away at your time, and the pressures of perfection can make it difficult to accept weaknesses​ while also feeding the misconception of insufficiency, but as seasons change, our external existence can take on myriad forms. Accepting and loving yourself with honesty helps you stay anchored and navigate more fully​. In turn, you can build more meaningful and substantial connections with others.